Healing

“Time heals all wounds.”, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.”. These are just a few of the cliché phrases most of us have heard at some point in our life. Matthew and I have heard quite a few over the past few months. We both are grieving in our own way. I feel as though I had time during Claudia’s pregnancy to prepare for her possibly passing away. I hoped and prayed, but knew the possible outcomes. Each time we got the news of her condition being worse I feel as though I mourned her a little more. By labor, when we found out she had no heartbeat, I think that was my final mourning.

Matthew, on the other hand, hoped and prayed from the moment we found out of Claudia’s conditions. I also feel as though he was kind of in denial about all of the problems. After she was born having already passed away, he struggled with frustration and bitterness. We both struggled together because of it. One of the clichés we got so tired of hearing was, “She was so special that God wanted her all to Himself”. Really? We know everyone meant well, but hearing things to that effect often was quite wearisome. 

We are moving through. Looking back, much of this last year is a blur. It feels like it never happened. I think of it as God’s grace to us. Right now, we are in the same place we were a year ago. We have three boys one of whom I’m teaching and the other being in school. The only difference is I have a bit of post baby weight to lose-that isn’t budging!! Yes, God’s grace is sufficient for sure! 

We got asked-the day after we came home from Phoenix and two days after Claudia was born, if we were going to have another baby!! Yep! We were still in shock, I was physically recovering, and that was one of the first questions we get asked! We also got asked several times after! In answer, now that it’s several months later, we are trusting God for our family and that includes any other blessing He chooses for us. We do have an exciting prayer for a possible new member to our family.  Tune in to a future post on D-Day!!

❤️❤️

Rachel